Saturday, May 31, 2014

Count down.....

Luckily, I've been on a sort of sabbatical (aka Leave of Absence) from work since April...this has been a time for me to focus on me, work on getting healthy, and relax without having to worry about the stress of my job.  I am returning to work in a little less than 2 weeks.

When I moved to Houston a little over a year ago, it was for this job I loved so greatly.  And almost a year later to the day, I was incredibly burned out because of a job I was not so sure if I loved anymore.  Work-a-holic is the word that first comes to mind to describe my working pattern and lack of work/life balance. 

I have not figured out life during my time off in the slightest...I wish it were that easy.  But what I have figured out is that my JOB is not the ONLY thing in my life.  Without my sobriety, without my health (both physical and mental), there is no point in having a job.  I have found a few hobbies I enjoy (spinning classes, needlepointing) and met a group of people I enjoy spending time with. 

When I return to work my priorities will have shifted.  My #1 priority has to be my sobriety.  My sponsor says if I start drinking again, I will end up in a hospital, in jail, or dying an alcoholic death.  Dying an alcoholic death would be the best of these options because continuing to live the pain of an alcoholic life would bring more misery than one could live with anyway.  I know in my heart, the first drink will ultimately lead to an alcoholic death. 

My fear (and point of this post) is going back to work with priorities that have shifted.  I'm so checked out of work right now, what happens if I don't check back in?  What happens if I am not respected because I am no longer arriving first and leaving last? What if I drop the ball on something because work is not my first priority?  How do I answer the questions about where I have been for the last 2 months?  What if I am just the crazy girl who can't handle it?  What if I have a bad day and I can no longer resist that first drink?

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